PAIGE DEGNAN

I am from polly pockets, beanie babies, and American Girl Dolls with more rational priced outfits as if my parents were already telling me "we have money but not THAT much" that fits a middle class lifestyle

 

I am from the same town, neighborhood, and room I always was, where there was never much to do so I spent most of the time in my room

 

I am from a yellow blanket ripped to shreds in the wash and thrown away before I could say no. I am from hoarding memories under my bed until I can finally let the junk go

 

I am from spending New Year’s Day searching a piece of pie to find a lucky coin, Thanksgiving sleepovers with the weirdest drinking games a family could possibly play, and a housefull of Christmas Eve celebrations I would never want to miss

 

I am from a courageous woman who emigrated from a small village in Greece and will hopefully return with me one day to show me her past. I am from a man on that same boat who I never had the chance to meet and never let his wife teach their kids her language, although I really wish they had

 

I am from cookies made with love and a whole lot of butter and eggs by that same woman who puts every single person’s needs in front of her own, including when she thinks you need to eat more, which apparently is always

 

I am from the farm scent from up the hill that lets you know it’s summer as soon as there’s cows involved. I am from the scent of freshly cut grass on a soccer field and the sound of crickets outside my window on a summer night

 

I am from a man who wore an orange and black basketball jersey so proudly yet never got to see that pride in my sister and I’s green and yellow, maroon, or royal blue ones

 

I am from “never, never, never give up” while I watched a sweet man pass away in his home after an 8 year battle with cancer. Now I am from hiding my pasty Irish skin from the sun as the rest of the world tries to tan every summer

 

I am from song lyrics to emulate every feeling I’ve ever had and concerts that let those feelings out through the words I yelled along to. I am from “if His grace is an ocean we’re all sinking” and “lead me where my trust is without borders” sung with passion through a church hall I’ve spent oh so much time growing in

 

I am from trips to Cape Cod and York, Maine with family and friends with too many memories to separate out or pick just one

I am from those moments where it doesn’t make sense to be negative in a positive life. Where organization tries to calm anxiety but has yet to succeed. I am from hoping that success isn’t something I only get to dream about and happiness with a family of my own isn’t far away

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